Throughout my lifetime, I have always been searching for my on elixir or ambrosia. Some can say I was Ahab attempting to kill his white whale, but unlike Ahab I succeeded. It only occurred recently, 1 year ago this June, that I finally found my ambrosia. It is a liquid, and a most tasty one at that, that has inebriated the rich and poor alike. Some say it is the drink of vicious pirates, others say it is the drink of champions, but I say it is the drink that best represents every man, woman, or child who desires to get fucked up. I am speaking of Myer's Jamaican Rum of course. It is the drink of the god's and the star's alike, and it is an honor to drink every sip. Rum has taken me every which way but loose, yet it never fails to make me a very happy drinker. I consider it to be my child, for every time I see a bottle I get a little teary from all the love I have for it. I compare the emotion to the feeling a father would get when he sees his son graduate from college or finds out that his son is not a homosexual. That is what it must feel like, a wave of pride always rushes over me, for it looks so inviting. Sure, I have had my bad times with rum, but I could never stay angry at such an innocent thing for very long. Drink it in shots, drink it as a drink, drink it out of a beer bong, drink it with coke, drink it with pineapple juice, just drink it. So ladies and gentlemen, when u go out drinking tonight, take along some rum. Hold it tightly, and stroke it gently. It will be kind to you. I know that it is the greatest surprise of all to find a bottle of unexpected rum, as I did after a party of mine. I found it in my dog's food bin. I grasped it tighter than a Bangkok whore would grasp 5 dollars on a Tuesday night. Now remember, drink your milk, but more importantly your rum. You will be doing a service to the world, for because of you a child in Somalia may not get food, but at least he can go to sleep knowing some rum has been embibed in his name, well maybe not his, but nonetheless it will have been done.